I'm really liking what you've done with the story-line and the characters. The character development itself is very well done, and I'm excited to see more. A few minor pointers, though. Though your writing is well put together and dialogue structure is good, it would be nice if you could do the standard seperations between each speaker, like every time a different person speaks, it's a new paragraph. Makes it easier on my eyes to read and distinguish who's saying what. Also, it be nice if you gave a little more description into everything. There is some, but bringing it to a higher level would make the story itself 2 times better, at least. What I mean by that, is explain the atmosphere, what things look like in detail even just to fill up extra space in a chapter. As well, explain the atmosphere of conversation or action, if it's tense, or light and air. So far, it's been good, but there have been moments where I've noticed a bit less of a description and I have a more difficult time picturing where it is they are and what it could look like. Having watched every single Inuyasha episode at least 3 times, I've become accustomed to the speech patterns and kinds of atmospheres that occur in the series as a whole, but if someone who was a little less farmilliar was reading this, they might have a harder time. Anyways, you're doing an amazing job, so keep up the good work! Sorry for writing so long, but I hope this information will help better your story! :)