Kagome gripped Inuyasha's shoulders tightly as he touched the ground and launched them back into the air. Granted traveling on Inuyasha's back got them to where they were going a lot quicker but it wasn't exactly what she would call a comfortable or safe for that matter ride.
As they were descending towards the earth; Kagome scrunched her nose in disgust. The most unpleasant and foul odor she had ever had the misfortune of smelling; nearly made her eyes water. Were they near a bog or something? "Inuyasha do you smell that?" She questioned while desperately wanting to pinch her nose shut but couldn't as she had to hang on to the hanyou for fear of falling off his back.
Inuyasha took a deep sniff and a shrugged his shoulder. "I don't smell nothin."
Again that powerful stink invaded her senses as they were descending towards the ground. "Are you sure?" She questioned with a small gag. How could he not smell it when she clearly could?
"I told you wench; I don’t smell nothin!" He growled and gave a jerk.
Kagome eeped and wrapped her arms around his neck to hold on tight; then just as quickly jerked back. "Oh Kami Inuyasha! It's you!" This time she did let go with one hand and pinched her nose shut. "Inuyasha put me down right now." She ordered in a high squeaky nasaly voice.
"Forget that!" He ordered. "We're almost there."
"Inuyasha I mean it. Stop now or face the consequences when we do stop!" She bit out but due to the sound of her voice her deadly threat didn't hold the edge it was supposed to.
Inuyasha pinched his claws into the backs of her thighs sharply causing the girl on his back to cry out before he landed on the ground.
Kagome scrambled to get as far away from him as possible. "Ouswari!" She screamed at the hanyou just as Kirara landed with the rest of the inutachi.
"Oi bitch! What the hell was that for?!" Inuyasha growled from his hanyou hole in the ground.
Deep blues narrowed on the hanyou. "That was for hurting me! Ouswari! That is for calling me a bitch!" She yelled. "Ouswari! And that one is because you stink!"
"Kagome what is going on?" Sango asked her irate friend.
Said girl spun to face her friends and scrunched up her face. "Go see if you can get three feet in front of him without wanting to toss up your lunch."
Sango and Miroku looked at each other before both shrugged and made their way over to a slowly recovering, muttering obscenities, hanyou. Shippou bolted from Miroku's shoulder making gagging noises before they were even half way to their little leader. The two exchanged curious glances but continued on their way until they both stopped dead in their tracks at a rage of three feet. "Oh Kami!" Sango groaned and hastily moved back to stand next to her friend with Miroku right behind her.
"Inuyasha when was the last time you took a bath?" Miroku questioned as the hanyou rose to his feet.
The stinky hanyou began stomping towards them so that he could give the bitch who sat him a piece of his mind; but with every step he took towards them they stepped away.
"Stay away Inuyasha!" Kagome ordered with a pointed finger in his direction.
He halted in his tracks and stared at his friends; wondering just what the hell was going on. Even Kirara was growling and hissing at him. "What the fuck?!" He demanded as they continued to back away from him.
"You stink Inuyasha." Shippou stated from Sango's shoulder. "You need a bath."
"Keh!" He huffed and crossed his arms over his chest. "I just took a bath last month."
"Last month?!" Kagome and Sango cried out in unison. "Gawd Inuyasha that's disgusting!" Kagome said with a wrinkled nose.
The hanyou looked at his friends and really didn't see what the problem was. Just because he didn't bathe everyday like Kagome did didn't mean he was an unclean being. He just didn't like taking baths was all. "What's so damn disgusting about that?!" He demanded.
"Well Inuyasha…" Miroku sighed then coughed when the hanyou's stink entered his nose. "You seem to be producing a foul odor." He tried to sound calmly intelligent but it was very difficult as his nose was offended and his eyes were watering. His hand gripped tightly onto his staff to keep from falling over when a small breeze blew the hanyou's stench right into his face.
"Holy cow." Kagome groaned and with one hand pinching her nose shut and the other fanning in front of her face. The other three were doing their level best to find a spot where the horrendous stench wasn't killing what remained of their senses. "Go take a bath!" She ordered with a pointed finger in his direction.
Inuyasha looked at the girl like she was insane. "I don't stink!" He bit out and just to prove it, he raised his left arm, turned his head, and took a deep whiff of his armpit. He couldn't smell nothing and with his sense of smell if there was even the slightest chance he carried a funk he would know. "See! Nothin!"
"How can you not smell that Inuyasha?!" Sango called from somewhere down the road and in the forest. Apparently she, Shippou, and Kirara were close enough to see and hear what was going on; yet far enough away to keep from passing out cold from the hanyou's stink.
Gold eyes narrowed. "I don't stink!" He growled in annoyance. "This is just an excuse for you pathetic lazy humans to stop and rest!"
"Hardly!" Kagome growled back. "If we wanted a rest believe me we would be resting now matter what you have to say about it!"
Miroku couldn't take it any more. "Inuyasha…" He stated calmly with his nose turned up as he began walking away. It looked almost as if he was trying to breathe the fresh air that was lingering just above him but couldn't quite reach it. "Go take a bath and once you are finished we will depart." His eyes were watering heavily as he made his way towards the three hidden in the forest.
"I ain't taking no damn bath!" The hanyou bit out with a deep growl.
"You have no choice." Kagome stated in a high squeaky, nasaly voice. "Until you clean yourself…" She trailed off when a being clad in pristine white landed just behind Inuyasha. "Sesshoumaru-sama" Kagome said with a small bow of her head and with that same voice as she still had her fingers pinched over her nose.
Inuyasha spun around to face his bastard of a sibling. "Sesshoumaru" He growled low in his throat.
Kagome watched the demon lord and she could easily see his eyes widened a fraction and that his nostrils were flaring. "Sesshoumaru-sama" She squeaked at him. "I suggest you move to an area where your sense of smell isn't permanently damaged due to your baka of a brother's stench. There is no shame." She waved her hand down the road toward the four hovering just inside the tree line. "I will be joining my friends shortly and you are more than welcome to join us in waiting for Inuyasha to take a bath."
Sesshoumaru looked at the miko with her nose pinched tightly shut and small tears leaking out of the corner of her eyes. The hanyou smelt worse than death itself; decaying bodies didn't smell as bad as the hanyou did.
"I told you I ain't taking a fuckin bath!" Inuyasha bellowed as he spun to face his friend.
Kagome narrowed her eyes. "Fine! But you will be standing out here in the middle of the road by yourself." She leveled his with a death glare. "If you so much as take one step towards us; I will sit you into the deepest level of hell." She turned and began walking away. "Although with the way you stink they'd probably throw you out just as quickly." She looked over her shoulder at the demon lord. "Would you like to join us? If Rin is near by I'm sure she'd love to spend some time playing with Shippou."
The demon lord looked at the miko, gave a curt nod, and lifted into the air. He had to get away from the hanyou as the funk he was carrying was threatening to melt the nose right off his face.
Inuyasha growled deeply as everyone left him standing in the middle of the road. He gave himself a good once over sniffing his hair, his hands, and anywhere else he could get his nose to reach before he threw his head back. "I DON'T FUCKIN STINK!!" He bellowed up to the sky.
Sesshoumaru returned shortly with his young ward and his annoying retainer. As soon as Rin saw Kagome she bolted and threw herself into the young woman's arms. "Kagome-neechan!" She squealed as she wrapped her arms tightly around her neck.
"Hi Rin." Kagome said as she hugged the girl back. "Have you been a good girl for Sesshoumaru-sama?"
Rin nodded her head vigorously. "Hai; Rin has been very good!" She exclaimed.
"Well then…" Kagome smiled at the child. "Since you have been such a good girl you can go play tag with Shippou." She leaned in and whispered to the child. "He's hiding behind that big tree over there." She pointed to the tree Miroku was leaning against.
"Hey! No fair!" Shippou exclaimed.
"Go get him." She egged the little girl in her lap and laughed when Rin shot off after Shippou. She looked up at the demon lord smiled and gave a small nod then patted the ground next to her.
Sesshoumaru looked down at her and noted the mischievous grin on her lips. Taking a seat next to her he waited patiently for whatever it was she was up too. As of late she had been doing all kinds of naughty deeds and he found them to be rather entertaining as they included his idiot of a brother and his annoying, squawking toad of a retainer.
"You know Sesshoumaru; I was thinking." She smiled innocently up at him. "I think that since Inuyasha refuses to take a bath and no one can get close enough to force him without passing out cold…" She trailed off and smirked up at him.
Sesshoumaru's eyes glinted and a small smirk played on his lips as he knew where she was going with this. He gave her a curt nod, schooled his features back to his cold stoic mask, and turned to look at the toad that was running around trying to avoid being caught by two children. "Jaken" He stated and all three being halted what they were doing.
Said toad scrambled over to his lord and threw himself prostate on the ground in front of the demon. "Hai Sesshoumaru-sama." The toad groveled.
He fought to keep the smirk from his lips as he dished out his orders. "Jaken you will go collect the hanyou, take him to the springs, and cleanse him."
Jaken's head shot up and his big bobbly yellow eyes stared so wide at his lord that everyone was sure they were going to pop from his head. "But… but… my lord…" He bumbled out.
"Are you disobeying me." Sesshoumaru stated coldly.
"Iie my lord." Jaken groveled and bowed pathetically. "Right away." He hastily said and took off towards the hanyou that was sitting in the middle of the road grumbling to himself.
Kagome placed her hand over her mouth and chuckled.
Sesshoumaru leaned down next to her ear. "You are a naughty girl." He growled lightly.
Said girl blushed lightly. "Always." She smiled. "Let's go watch." She grinned at him with a glint in her deep blue eyes.
Sesshoumaru nodded and they both rose to their feet. Kagome looked at her friends and smiled hugely. "We're going to go watch Jaken try to force Inuyasha to take a bath. Are you in?"
Miroku shook his head. "No thank you Kagome-sama. I have already smelled him enough today and would rather not take the risk." A small cough passed his lips as the memory of the stink invaded his nasal cavity.
Kagome nodded. "Okay. Sango?" She looked over at the demon slayer who was smirking at the hoshi.
"No I'm going to stay and watch the children. But I really think Miroku should go with you since I'm sure you will need help when Inuyasha loses it and starts attacking everyone." She looked at Kagome and cut her eyes over to the hoshi; who was looking a sickly pale, then cut her eyes back to her friend.
Kagome placed her fist to her chin in thought. "Ya know Sango; I think your right." Kagome knew what her friend was up to. This was revenge for the excessive groping she had to endure since yesterday when Miroku happened upon Sango just after her bath and saw her naked.
Miroku stared wide eyed at the two females. "Please…" He started but was halted by the demon lord.
"Hoshi you will obey." He ordered in his cool tone that none dared to disobey; and the monk was no different as he rose to his feet and solemnly followed after the miko and the taiyoukai.
Miroku looked absolutely broken at what he was being forced to do and just as he was about out of ear reach of his beautiful slayer her voice sounded around him. "That'll teach you to keep your cursed hand to yourself." Her voice was full of humor and he suddenly felt very slighted; as the punishment in no way fitted the crime.
The three walked the short distance to the road where they could see Inuyasha sitting in the road and Jaken circling around him from a far distance trying desperately to figure out how to get close enough to the hanyou to force him to take a bath. Occasionally they could hear the toad's voice issuing orders; followed by a yelp as Inuyasha would fling a pebble at his head.
"Hoshi you will assist my retainer." Sesshoumaru ordered with a small growl to keep the monk from protesting.
Miroku looked up at the demon lord who was paying him no attention before he turned pleading eyes to his friend.
Kagome shrugged her shoulder and told the monk with her own eyes that no one ever disobeyed Sesshoumaru and he'd be better off just doing as he was told; lest he wished to suffer. She watched as he deflated completely then began walking towards the hanyou and toad. Then when he was just in range of Inuyasha's funk; he stopped, inhaled deeply, and continued to walk towards them. "So how long do you think he can hold his breath?"
Sesshoumaru snorted. "Not long." He smirked.
It wasn't long after he said that that the monk scrambled to get away from the hanyou in order to get a breath of fresh air with the toad right behind him.
Inuyasha just sat there still grumbling; not understanding why they were making such a big deal about him not bathing. He was convinced that he didn't stink and that his human companions just wanted to rest so that Kagome could 'bond' with Sesshoumaru. Of all the beings in the world for her to suddenly start flirting with it just had to be his ass hole of an elder brother; and that wasn't the worst part of it.
Ever since Sesshoumaru started paying attention to his miko friend the two of them have been plotting against everyone; especially him, to see what stupid thing they could make him do. Like licking rocks. He still can't figure out how they got him to do that one but they did and when he came to a rock that turned out to be covered in hot sauce; Kagome fell over laughing and even his icicle up the butt bastard of a brother had a small smile on his lips. It took him two days to get the burning on his tongue to stop only to have them put vinegar in his milk. He would have known it was there had his nose not been all stuffed up from the hot sauce. Oh how he wanted to kill them both and be done with it.
Kagome started laughing and fisted her hand into the sleeve of Sesshoumaru's haori. "Oh this is too good." She giggled as she watched Miroku and Jaken attempt to get within in range of the hanyou without gagging. "You don't think this will cause them permanent damage to their noses; do you?"
"Iie; they will survive." Sesshoumaru responded; although he wasn't too sure as Inuyasha's stink was beyond that of your normal stench. He smelled as if he had rolled around in something dead, jumped into a moat, smeared his own feces all over himself, and followed all that up with spending a week sleeping with the pigs.
She started laughing as she watched Miroku and Jaken once again run away from the hanyou, take a few deep breaths then put their heads together to try and figure out a way to get the hanyou to the springs. They both looked over at her and she knew exactly what they were thinking. "No!" She yelled. "You're on your own!" As deep smirk played on her lips as both looked like they were about to cry.
As they were standing there Miroku and Jaken came running up to them. "We have a plan." Miroku stated with a huge grin.
"Okay and?" Kagome questioned with wide eyes then watched as Jaken took off towards their camp hidden in the forest.
"You'll see. It's by far my best idea ever." Miroku smirked breathing deeply of the stench free air.
Kagome looked from the hoshi to the demon lord and shrugged her shoulder when Sesshoumaru gave her a glance.
It wasn't long until Jaken returned toting with him a blanket. Kagome looked at the blanket and sighed. That thing was going to have to be burned if they intended to use it to carry the hanyou to the springs.
"Alright are you ready Jaken?" Miroku asked with a weary glance towards his pouty friend.
"Hai" Jaken squawked and began a very slow pace towards the hanyou.
"This should be interesting." Kagome smirked.
Sesshoumaru looked down at her and nodded his agreement then watched the scene in front of him.
It wasn't long until Kagome started laughing at the events happening just down the road. Miroku was running in circles around Inuyasha like he was in the middle of a great battle with a deadly demon. He stuck his hand inside his robes, pulled out a couple of ofadas, chanted the words, and flung them at the still sitting in the middle of the road pouting hanyou.
"What the fuck?!" Inuyasha bellowed when one stuck to his chest and one on his back freezing him in place.
"Now Jaken!" Miroku yelled to his partner in crime.
The toad ran up to the inu on his short little toady legs, flung the blanket over the hanyou's head, and then retreated to Miroku's side just beyond the stink zone.
Kagome shook her head and looked up into the sky. "Oh that can't be good with it being this hot." She turned her head to the demon lord. "Can you imagine; now he's going to start sweating under that thing and eewww." She cringed her nose.
Sesshoumaru crinkled his nose slightly at the thought and wondered how the two geniuses were going to overcome that little obstacle.
"MIROKU!" Inuyasha bellowed from under the blanket. "I'M GONNA KILL YOU; YOU BASTARD! NOW GET THIS THING OFF ME IT'S FUCKIN HOT!!" Oh what did he ever do to deserve such abuse? He had to wonder as he began panting from the heat of the day and the blanket over his head.
"Holy crap!" Kagome started laughing and fell against Sesshoumaru at what was occurring in front of them.
Jaken was on his belly using his staff to inch his way towards the hanyou and when he was just in range he grabbed the blanket and gave it a jerk before he squawked like he was dying and bolted it back to Miroku's side.
Sesshoumaru couldn't stop the small smile from forming on his lips at the sight before him. There was Inuyasha sitting in the middle of the road cross legged, his left elbow on his knee with his hand supporting his chin, an ofada hanging on his chest, and now shrouded in a dark blue; attracting the heat of the day, blanket. He suddenly flared his nostrils as the hanyou's stench began wafting towards them. The girl was right; the heat and the blanket were only increasing his stink. He wrapped his arm around her waist and launched them both up into a tree away from the funk and still within viewing distance of the event occurring below them.
"Jaken-sama this isn't working out quite like I had planned." Miroku squeaked out with his fingers pinching his nose.
The toad looked up at the hoshi. "Oh hai hoshi-sama. But we must do something before Lord Sesshoumaru becomes angry." He said quickly before taking a deep breath and holding it in.
Miroku nodded down at the little toad and sent his mind to working on a plan.
Kagome was thankful that Sesshoumaru had such a tight hold upon her as laughing so hard made it impossible for her to maintain a grip upon him. The sight of Inuyasha shrouded in the blanket, frozen in his spot, and tongue hanging out of his mouth panting was just too much for her to take. "Oh Kami!" She laughed. "He isn't going…" She laughed again. "Going to die is he?"
"Iie" Sesshoumaru said with a smirk. "However; perhaps this will teach him to bathe regularly."
"We can only hope." Kagome chuckled.
Miroku and Jaken circled the hanyou trying desperately to figure out what to do now. "I got it!" Miroku exclaimed out of nowhere; causing Jaken to start, stumble, and fall to his face.
He looked up at the hoshi with wide leery eyes. "Iie!" He bellowed as he jumped to his little froggy legs. "Your last plan failed and made things worse." He jabbed his staff into the ground. "It's my turn."
He didn't wait for a response as he turned and stealthily made his way towards the hanyou in an attempt to sneak up on the stink. When he was in range he pointed the two heads towards the hanyou, jabbed it into the ground, causing the old man's head to open its mouth and spew fire at the hanyou.
"HOLY SHIT!!" Inuyasha screeched as he was set ablaze and powerless to stop it; he was stuck sitting there like a perfect little virgin. He was grateful for his fire rat robes as they stopped him from catching fire but that didn't make the heat burn any less.
Kagome almost fell out of the tree from laughing so hard; even Sesshoumaru let a small chuckle pass his lips as he gripped tighter around her waist.
Miroku started dry heaving as now Inuyasha's stink smelt like burnt… whatever the foul stench was; and it seemed that the fire only enhanced his funk more than the blanket did.
"I SWEAR I'M GONNA KILL YOU BOTH!" Inuyasha bellowed. He had black scorch marks all over his face and hands; along with the tips of his hair blackened.
What happened next; was the end all be all ultimate, make Kagome start crying from laughing so hard, burned forever in everyone's minds, disgusting thing that could ever happen to a being.
Inuyasha sat there grumbling to himself and imaging how he was going to murder a certain hoshi and toad when he suddenly felt something very warm and very wet trail down his lower back. "What the?!" He growled then a stray dog came around to face him, leaned in, and gave a big wet drag of its tongue up the center of his face. It then shook its head, turned tail, and took off running. That was it. "LET ME UP SO I CAN GO TAKE A BATH!" He bellowed; trying not to think about the warm wet substance that was rolling down his back and into his hakama.
Miroku chanted the words to release the ofadas before he and the toad ran like they were on fire; heading deep into the woods to avoid the hanyou's wrath.
Inuyasha slowly rose to his feet and ran like the wind to the hot springs in order to wash the dog piss from his body as it was rolling down the crack between his cheeks.
Kagome wrapped her arms around Sesshoumaru's waist, buried her head into his chest, and laughed like there was no tomorrow.
"So miko" Sesshoumaru stated when he felt she had calmed down enough to speak. "Who is next on your little list of revenge."
Kagome looked him dead in the eyes and smiled. "Well; ya know I just don't think I'm quite done with Inuyasha yet. He's just far too easy."
"Hai that he is; that he is." Sesshoumaru agreed before lifting them both out of the tree and heading back to camp so that Kagome could recount the hoshi's punishment to the slayer.
Author's Chapter Notes:
Alright all here is the fourth installment of my 'Make Inu look like the jackass he is' series. Hope you like as it was really hard to write this while laughing my ass off. And no worries I am working on Mine Part II but it is slow in coming so eventually you will get the second part to that. Thanks for reading. Much love for you all.
Oh and P.S. On most sites my name has changed no thanks to my idiot brother. So if you see someone posting one of my stories under the Narakus-Unseen-Mistress do not worry that is me. I thank all those you contacted me thinking that I was being plagerized. I am glad to know I am being looked after. NUM (Formally Keva)