A Heart’s Despair

His resolve was as expansive as the Sea of Japan.

He was ardent in his task; not even the cruelest weather could halt his pursuit. The crimson of his eyes matched the dying rays of the fiery sun, the amber having departed from his irises. His extended claws were clenched into fists at his sides, and caused him no difficulty as he propelled his feet forward. His heart ached painfully within his chest. He had failed her; he had left her behind to face the perils of his absence, and now he alone was paying the price.

She must’ve been frightened, was his articulate thought. She must’ve cried so much…and I wasn’t there to protect her. What kind of husband am I to neglect my own mate’s safety? How will she ever forgive me?

“I’m coming, Kagome,” Inuyasha murmured to the empty air. “I won’t let anything happen to you again.”

Fleeting as he was in his thoughts, he couldn’t help the mental image of seeing a cold, dead shell of what used to be Kagome cross his mind. Her vacant hazel eyes…her deathly pale face…the chill of her skin…it was a picture that seemed to murder his very being.  It assaulted his mind, and he did nothing to resist as all his mental barriers were cut down. His pace slowed involuntarily; this harbored thought did nothing to ease his worry, and, if anything, it only increased his strive to reach Kagome in time. Inuyasha had been lucky to be able to smell her scent; he thanked the kamis immensely for such generosity. He could smell the distress, the grief…the fear in her natural aroma. It sickened him; poisoned his intuition. He couldn’t help but feel vulnerable.

How can I expect to protect her if I can’t even protect myself? he asked himself. How stupid can I get?

Despite the predicaments set against them, Inuyasha did not blame Miroku and Sango; it was his fault that he had not escorted her back to their hut himself; it was his fault that she had been left alone.

Internally, he debated on whether or not he should release her into her own time; the well still worked as efficiently as it did before the jewel’s purification, and she would be safer in her own time period. But he couldn’t bring himself to relent to the idea. How could he allow her to go through the ups and downs of giving birth without him by her side? How could he allow her to leave him after they had finally gotten their one chance at happiness?  He didn’t want to leave her alone.

But-then again-how could he let her get captured?

What does it matter? She probably won’t forgive me after this, he convinced himself. I put her through this unbearable fear, and now she’s going to pay the price for my mistake. I could only imagine what they’re doing to her…Pushing her through the well seemed like to liable solution to this problem. Perhaps she could start a life on her own, and learn to live without him. He stifled a growl at the thought of Kagome-his Kagome-marrying another man, and having children together. He would rather spill his blood on the rocky terrain than allow her to commit such an ignorant act against him. He was locked away in the prison of time, and escape was inevitable; it was unheard of, and he knew that he could never belong in Kagome’s world if he somehow pulled it off. Yes, he could possibly live 500 years due to the demon blood that flowed through his veins; yes, he could probably manage to survive long enough to once again find her in his embrace. But, 500 years…the time would be like yanking his teeth. And, he wanted her to be happy; he didn’t want to pain her by allowing her to say his face again.

She was human; he was hanyou. They were never meant to be together in the first place.

He wanted her to have a life, even if it was with a different man. The pup, however, was a different story…but it was one story that he didn’t want to hear at the moment.

“I’m coming, Kagome,” he murmured.

..::OO::..

Fear flowed through her like the blood running through her veins. Her anxiety grew when the pool of torchlight lit up the gloomy halls of the dungeon, spilling light in her eyes and causing her to blink rapidly. She hadn’t seen the light in two days; she hadn’t seen food or water in two days, much less taste it on her dry tongue. Her strength had seeped out of her body as each hour passed, and now she found herself hunched over in the corner of her cell as she fell in and out of consciousness. Two men peered at her through amused eyes, wicked smiles on their dirt-smeared faces. The torch cast its light on her, allowing them to observe her trembling form. She was scared; she was cold, and her forehead burned with fever.

The men laughed in mockery of her misfortune. In the cell behind them, Tilita growled.

“You’re lucky, miko,” one of the men taunted. “We had delayed your execution earlier in preparation to capture your hanyou mate; we heard he was stronger than we made him out to be, and that we shouldn’t underestimate him. We have strengthened our defenses for his arrival, if he decides to show up.” He grinned. “Today’s the day, miko; I hope you said your prayers.”

Kagome had, but none of the Kamis seemed to be listening.

She shut her eyes and indulged herself in one last prayer as she was hauled to her feet. The men chuckled and released torrents of laughter at the tears that cupped her cheeks. Tilita’s growls increased in volume.

Kagome opened her eyes as she was led out of her cell. Her eyes focused on Tilita, who was grasping the bars of her cell in her fists. The two had become great friends during her short stay here; she couldn’t help but feel sad that she might never get to see her again.

“Be safe, Kagome,” the female kitsune whispered as they passed.

“You, too, Tilita,” Kagome responded softly. “I’m sorry for not keeping my promise.”

“You’re forgiven.”

Her trepidation adorned the remaining areas of her heart and squeezed out any lingering emotions that dared to cause a conflict. She shivered at the men’s contact on her forearms, their cold touch causing goose bumps to rise on her skin. I’ve got to get of here, Kagome thought, her fear only escalating. I can’t die…not yet! I’m not going to tease Inuyasha with a happy life, and then throw it all away because of my own stupidity! Inuyasha, please, you have to come…You have to save your child, if not me. Please…

They had reached the exit to the dungeon by now, and Kagome shielded her eyes from the harsh sunlight. The warmth of the spring air kissed her skin, and she shivered at the change in temperature. The sky above was naked of clouds, the breeze gentle and alluring. But-despite the calm ambiance-she couldn’t help but shudder at the sight that lay before her eyes.Death himself-with a sword in his hand-stood on top of a wooden platform in the middle of the castle courtyard. A grin was ushered to his chapped lips as she was led up the stairs and forced to her knees in front of him. Behind her, she could hear the murmurs of the small crowd of hunters as their gazes burned into her back.

Death approached her, his dark eyes filled to the brim with evil. “The time has come for both the miko and the hanyou to learn their lessons. Human and youkai are not meant to be together, ever! And, conceiving a child? Completely irrelevant! You are a blemish to mankind; you are vermin. You have betrayed your race, and there is no forgiveness. Accept your death, miko, for it shall not be brief.”

The crowd cheered in assent behind her back.Kagome shut her eyes as the sword was elevated.Her heart lurched violently in her chest as she realized the depth of her situation. She was going to die; she was certain of it. And Inuyasha would be too late.

I love you, Inuyasha, was her desperate mental call. I will always love you.

Pain exploded in her chest. An agonized grunt escaped her lips at the feeling of a blade within her, the blood rushing down her torso in a waterfall of red. Kagome lifted a hand to her wound, feeling the moisture of her blood staining her fingertips. Death watched her vehemently, preparing to let her bleed out; of this she knew with certainty.

“KAGOME!”

The voice grew nearer as she collapsed to the ground. Before she could comprehend it, she was being caressed in warm arms, her limp body cradled against a chiseled chest. Molten amber eyes peered down at her through an array of radiant light, his tears falling like raindrops onto her face. But she could barely feel his warm arms around her through the excruciating pain that plagued her body. It was like a thousand knives had been plunged into her heart, and now her life force was bleeding out of her body with each passing moment. She couldn’t move; couldn’t breathe. She struggled to exhale, but her airways seemed to swell and reject any entrance of air.

Through the brilliant light, she saw an angel. But…angels didn’t cry, right?

“Kagome…Kami, I’m too late…” His voice cracked on late.

 Kagome lapsed into stunned silence for a moment, her brain soaking in his words. He wasn’t late; he was just the opposite. He was here, wasn’t he? He would protect her like he always did, right?

His eyes were tender when they landed on her; she felt like if she said one thing out of place that he would break, like glass. And, the warmth that flooded into her heart…it was stimulating, and filled her with love. Her hand reached up to caress his cheek, only to find it layered in a thin sheen of tears.

Then she smiled.“You came for me,” she whispered past the lump in her throat. 

In the distance, she could hear men yelling. Inuyasha growled and pulled her closer, burying his face in the crook of her neck.

 “I’ll always come for you, Kagome,” he whispered. “Please…don’t die…”

She couldn’t find the words to reassure him; she couldn’t find the will to reassure him. Her mouth had stopped working; she had no control over it. Kagome could only stare into the eyes of her mate, who stared back at her with grief evident in his eyes.

She gazed at her savior with tear-filled eyes, a spasm of fear igniting within her. She would never see him again, much less feel the warmth of his arms. She was cold; her body felt like a giant block of ice. She could only wonder what Inuyasha was feeling at the moment, holding her dying body in his arms.

“I’m sorry, Inu…yasha,” she said, the words bubbling to her lips. She was surprised by the raspy tone of her voice.

 “Why are you sorry?” he demanded of her in a sharp tone. “You didn’t do anything wrong; I wasn’t there to protect you, and you paid the price for it…Do NOT blame yourself, Kagome!

”“Sorry,” she mumbled again, the only thing she could think of to say. Her eyes filled with tears of pain, and of loss.

Never again would she see him.

“Sorry…”

The darkness closed over her eyes.