Her Life – Chapter 22 – "Letting Go"

Never in a million years did Kaede think that this was what she was going to be reading. This… tale wasn't what she was expecting when the truth about Kagome's disappearance was finally revealed. It was no wonder her brother-in-law was so upset.

"Do ya get why I'm a wee bit upset now?"

Kaede turned and simply gazed at him; not knowing what words to form to express what she was feeling at the moment.

Not being able to stand the silence, Inuyasha got up from his place, drink still in hand, and began to pace the room. Milliseconds didn't even pass before the drunken ranting began.

"What in the hell possessed the wench to do that? Did she not think that we couldn't find another way to save Kikyo if what Midoriko told her came true? Did she have so little faith?"

"Inuyasha I don't believe that was her reasoning behind…"

"No Kaede!" He was becoming louder by the second. "Look, no, THINK about what all she gave up for us! For that stupid quest! Back then we had no concept of what she was giving up because in no way did we know what the hell she was talking about half of the time, but now… now that we lived to this era we know Kaede; WE KNOW!" He bellowed before throwing his almost full glass of sake into the fireplace; making the flames climb higher for a few mere seconds.

Anyone could tell that he was still trying to hold it all in; desperately trying to keep some sort of control over the emotions raging within him. True, the alcohol did loosen him up a bit, but not enough for him to fully let go. How long would he allow this to go on? The former priestess knew he needed to get it out of his system, but this certainly wasn't what she expected.

"Don't you realize what all she did for us old woman?! All that food and medical supplies she brought back; how much yen do you think she and her family had to spend on all of it? And not once did she say a word about it."

He was starting to destroy random items about the room now. Kaede knew he would never hurt her, yet the ruckus he was causing was drawing their family towards the room. Even she could hear the frantic footsteps making their way down the hallway. How long would it be before they attempted to break down the door?

"What of the numerous times she had to leave her schoolbooks behind because there wasn't enough room in her pack? How far could she have fallen behind? What punishment did she face in school for failure to complete her work? The missed days of classes with Gramps using so many outlandish and bogus excuses must have raised some eye brows.

"What of her family's honor?! In this day and age that is what schooling is to the population! Sure she graduated but at what cost?!"

He stopped to think for a moment.

What if the photo from her graduation wasn't real either; and what about everything else written in those yellowed pages? Were all the emotional ups and downs all a fake? Now that he thought about it, there were an awful lot of entries that looked like they were written with the same ink and they smelled approximately like they were the same age. Was the entire thing a lie?

"Inuyasha are ye…?" Kaede never got to finish for his current thoughts began voicing themselves.

To say she was shocked by his current logic would be an understatement. She knew Kagome would never go so far as to write to him of a fake life; or so she thought. Before she could even get to contemplating though Inuyasha was visibly beginning to hyperventilate and rambling things that didn't make sense, half of which she couldn't understand. Not once did Kaede interrupt him though because she knew he needed to let it out but what he was spouting did worry her some. He just kept on telling her things she supposed no one ever knew about their young miko; going from one end of the spectrum to another in a matter of seconds. It was when he talked himself into a corner, literally, that she stood up from her chair and made her way towards him.

"I didn't even have a second thought about it,"

"About what Inuyasha?"

"I could smell it," He picked up one of the journals lying about the room. "I could smell and feel the slight aura of Naraku's miasma in those slight drops of blood and I never even thought…" He was getting so choked up that anyone could see he was becoming blue in the face.

Kaede tried to speak but was cut off again.

"It wasn't supposed to be this way." The hanyou trembled. "The wench was should have found herself a human husband and settled down. She would have had a lot of brats because she loved them so much. Her grandkids would be playing at her feet now while she would be rocking in her chair; maybe even cuddling her newest grandchild."

It was beginning to sound like he'd imagined quite the life for her but this train of thought was starting to scare her. Kaede moved to where she was now directly before him.

"All I ever wanted was for her to succeed and be happy. I just…"

The dam broke then; the tears were leaking down his face freely and in no way did either stop them, knowing that this was needed.

Quite a few seconds passed before either gathered their thoughts.

"Inuyasha…"

"I… I didn't get… get to say good…bye."

Instantly Kaede wrapped her arms around him, and he her, and under Inuyasha's weight they both collapsed to the ground in a heap. Both sets of arms were tightly enveloping the other while Inuyasha hid his face in Kaede's shoulder and cried while she comforted him as best she could.

"I… I… I loved her so… so much… and I didn't… didn't get to… to tell her…"

"Shhh… she knows Inuyasha. Wherever Kagome is, she knows. Just let it out child, let it out."

A long, grief-stricken howl entered the air of the Fujioka household as the initiation of many mournful hours of grieving began.