I wasn’t a mother when I found out I was pregnant.

I wasn’t a mother when I threw up every morning for months.

I wasn’t a mother when I started to show.

I wasn’t a mother when I felt you kick for the first time.

I wasn’t a mother when you kept me up all night tap dancing on my bladder.

I wasn’t a mother when my belly stuck out so far I forgot what my feet looked like.

I wasn’t a mother when I knew it was finally time.

I wasn’t a mother when I struggled to bring you into this word.

When you sucked in your first breath and screamed with all you had, I knew. When I held you in my arms and you looked up at me as your cries stopped, that was the moment my life grew to be more.  I remember the instant I became a mother, the second that changed my entire world.  I was finally a mother, your mother.

I know the world will not be kind to you. I will one day have to leave you and you will find yourself alone in the cold, lost in the darkness. I wish you would stay just as you are forever, my sweet little boy, so I could shield you from it all. You will never remember this moment or any of the others like it, but I will never forget. Some day you will find another to hold you in her arms, another to love you unconditionally, and you will once again experience the peace of a moment like this. I promise you she will come, but until then, sleep my little one. Mommy will keep you safe and warm.