~ Bittersweet Love ~

One-Shot

“I’m sorry Kikyo but I have to go.”

“I assume you made your choice them?”

Turning his back on her, Inuyasha nodded and started to walk away when he was stopped by her voice.

“I have always envied her you know. She has everything that was once mine. The purity, my soul, my feelings, my love, and she always have you.” said Kikyo. “But I admire her as well. She gave you up to me to make you happy. Such purity.”

Turning around he said, “Kikyo, I’m s-“

Shaking her head she said, “No, I understand. You don’t have to say it.”

With that she said goodbye and left, her body resuming her original form as dirt and bones.

“I’m sorry Kikyo, but I just can’t feel the same thing anymore, not after what happened,” said Inuyasha. As if there was a sign Kikyo’s soul flew around Inuyasha warming him up and accepting his apology.

After giving Kikyo a proper burial Inuyasha headed towards his favorite place, the Goshinboku. So many memories were held there. The place where his first love pinned him and the place where his second love freed him.

Sighing, he sat at the trunk of the tree. He remembered the first time he met her. She was being attacked by the centipede demon. He remembered the fire in her eyes when she told him that her name was Kagome not Kikyo. He remembered the look in her eyes when she caught him embracing Kikyo. It hurts him to see her like that. Such purity doesn’t deserve to be in so much pain.

There are so many memories of her flying in his head. He still remembered her perfectly, even after ten years of separation, she seemed to haunt his every thoughts. Her large brown eyes that held so much warmth, her angelic face that captured many hearts. He always thought that she was too nice for her own good and it was true. In the end she died because of it. When she was alive he thought that she was an angel somehow fallen from heaven… now she is back home, up in heaven.

He was never the same after the day that she died. That day was forever etched into his memory.

~*~ Flashback~*~

Kagome sighed for what seemed to be the millionth time that week. It had been two months since the death of Naraku. Naraku was no match for Inuyasha’s Backlash wave, Sesshomaru’s Dragon Strike, Kikyo’s and her purification arrows. He seemed so distant lately. He seemed so sad after Kikyo left when Naraku died. Kagome knew that his choice was Kikyo, she would always be second, but she just couldn’t let go of him.

Inuyasha was so deep in thought sitting on a random tree near camp that he didn’t notice that Kagome was walking up to him until she spoke up.

“Inuyasha do you think that you have time to take a walk with me?” asked Kagome sweetly.

“Why would you want to walk this late?” asked Inuyasha.

“I want to talk to you,” replied Kagome.

Nodding he got down from the tree and walked into the Inuyasha Forest. They walked for a while. There was a silent between them. Inuyasha was getting uneasy. He glanced at Kagome and saw that she was looking up at the moon.

He heard Kagome sighed. Looking over he saw that she was looking at him. There was something in her eyes that he couldn’t make out.

“Inuyasha, you love Kikyo don’t you?” asked Kagome. It was more of a statement for Kagome but she can’t help but feel a little hopeful that Inuyasha might love her.

“Kagome…” said Inuyasha. He didn’t expect that but he knew that this conversation would come sooner or later.

He tried again “Kagome, I-I-“ Kagome shook her head and said, “I don’t want to hear you explain I just want to know the answer.”

After a moment of silence Kagome said “I’ll take that as a yes then.”

Inuyasha looked at her with confusion. He expected her to cry, to run away from him saying that she hated him. He deserved that. Instead she just kept walking. She sat down under the Goshinboku, and patted a space besides her telling him to sit.

There was another moment of silence when he sat down. Shaking her head at her own inner thoughts, Kagome spoke again, “You expected me to run away crying didn’t you?”

Inuyasha nodded and she continued, “I would have done that a few years ago, but I have grown up. I realized during my time here that crying is good thing. It lets you show your feeling and you feel better after a good cry, but crying for the same thing over and over again is a bad thing. I’m tired of crying Inuyasha. I’m tired of everything. Right now I just want to let go and be the wind flying free. I now know how Kagura felt. There is only one thing left for me to do before I can leave.”

Kagome leaned onto Inuyasha and closed her eyes. “What do you mean leave? Are you planning to go back to the future? And what do you have to do?” asked Inuyasha. He knew that he loved Kikyo but a part of him cared deeply for Kagome. She promised not to leave him. She wouldn’t go back on a promise would she? Something about her saying that she was tired of everything scared him. Whenever he was scared something bad was bound to happen.

Kagome shook her head and said “I can’t tell you now, you will find out soon enough. Don’t ask any questions about it.”

They say there for a while in silence just enjoying each other’s presence when Kagome spoke up.

“You know Inuyasha, before today I would have begged for you to lie to me. I would have begged for you to say that you will be staying that you won’t be leaving with Kikyo to go to hell. I would have begged you to lie and say that you loved me. I would have begged you to make the pain go away for a while. I would have begged you just to hold onto me and never let go, so that I’m not alone, but then I wouldn’t be fair to you or Kikyo and I wouldn’t be fair to myself. It would have hurt me more.”

“Kagome, I-“ Inuyasha started but was cut off by Kagome.

“Let me finish. Before I came to the Feudal Era, before I met you I always thought of love as a painless thing. To fall in love and to live happily ever after but now I know that love could be filled with pain and that love is a bittersweet thing.”

Inuyasha nodded. There was guilt in him for making Kagome sound so sad. She should never be this sad. Her voice should always be laced with happiness. She changed so much over the five years that he had known her.

“Inuyasha, at this point I don’t care what choice you make. I will support you to the very end. Just promise me two things Inuyasha, please?” asked Kagome.

Inuyasha nodded his head and Kagome continued, “Promise me that no matter what happens in the future you will always be happy…and that if something should happen to me you would forget about me and move on. Don’t let Kagome Higurashi hold you back. All I want you to be is to be happy. Promise me?”

Inuyasha was lost for words. He has no idea what she was thinking. He didn’t have a good feeling on what’s going on. “Kagome what do you mean forget you? How could I forget you? I won’t let anything happen to you.”

Kagome smiled and sighed, “Inuyasha I am glad that you care deeply for me but please just promise me. It will be the last thing I ask from you. Please!” Kagome was almost at tears and there was a deep determination in her eyes.

Seeing the tears Inuyasha nodded. “Remember that promise, Inuyasha!” said Kagome.

Standing up and forging a smile, Kagome said, “Follow me Inuyasha I have something to show you.” Inuyasha reluctantly followed her. They walked deeper into the Inuyasha Forest talking to each other about old memories. Kagome came to a stop and said, “Inuyasha wait here for me would ya? I’ll be back soon.” Inuyasha nodded. After years in the Feudal Era, Kagome powers increased a lot and she knew her way around Inuyasha Forest with her eyes closed. Walking up to a big tree, Inuyasha sat down and rested.

~*~

Kagome walked back to the Goshinboku and saw Kikyo there.

“Are you sure this is your choice?” ask Kikyo. Her voice was indifferent but her eyes showed hope.

Kagome nodded.

“So be it then,” said Kikyo. She turned around walking away with her Soul Stealers flying after her.

“Kikyo… wait,” began Kagome. Kikyo turned back, “take care of him for me. Make him happy…that’s not my job anymore…and help him forget me.” Finished Kagome with sadness laced into her voice at the last part.

Kikyo nodded and said, “I will, thank you, Kagome.”

Kagome nodded. Turning back she walked away and stopped saying “And tell Inuyasha that this is not his fault. Tell him that it was my choice and that this is for the best.”

Kagome continued walking knowing that Kikyo heard her fine.

~*~

Inuyasha sense something familiar nearby and opened his eyes. There in font of him was in first love, Kikyo. He got up instantly.

“Inuyasha.”

“Kikyo.”

~*~

Kagome walked back to the village deep in thought. When she got there she saw Shippo playing with the village kids. When Shippo saw her he bounced towards her right away.

“Hi Kagome!” he said excitedly.

“Hello Shippo. I’m going to go for a while. You be a good boy for me okay?”

Shippo was too excited to go back playing tag to really concentrate on what Kagome was saying. He nodded and walked away. Shaking her head she walked towards her new hut. Miroku was outside pretending to meditate. His eyes were half opened peeking at Sango who was doing the laundry. She couldn’t help but grin at the cute sight. Walking up to him she said, “You know, she’s waiting for you to make the first move.” Winking she walked away. Then she went over to Sango and said, “You don’t have forever you know.” Sango blushed. “Kagome!” she halfheartedly yelled. Giggling she walked away saying, “ I’m taking a walk towards the Goshinboku!”

Going into the hut she grabbed a pen, a piece of paper, and an envelope. When she got to the Goshinboku she sat down and started to write her letter.

~*~

“Kikyo what are you doing here?” asked Inuyasha.

“You don’t want to see me?” asked Kikyo with a bit of hurt in her voice.

“No! That’s not what I meant. I mea-” started Inuyasha. He suddenly stopped and thought of Kagome.

“Kikyo, did you see Kagome when you came here?” asked Inuyasha, concerned. It had been awhile since Kagome left

“Have you made your choice yet Inuyasha?” asked Kikyo.

~*~

Kagome finished the letter and put her pen down. Folding up her letter she put it into the envelope. Using one of her arrow, she hung the envelope on the tree where Inuyasha was impaled many decades ago. Then she reached out a small crystal vial that was filled in a black substance. Opening the cap she took one look at the sky once more.

“Inuyasha…”

She brought the vial to her lips and downed all its contents into her stomach in one gulp. Inuyasha wouldn’t have to make his hard decision now. She will be making it for him.

She dropped the vial and took the Shikon out of her pocket and held it. There were so many memories of her and Inuyasha together. Sitting at the trunk of the Goshinboku Kagome called forth those memories one last time.

…Her first time seeing Inuyasha impaled on the Goshinboku, looking so peaceful in his slumber….

When Inuyasha first mistaken her for Kikyo and tried to kill her.

The time when she was almost killed by Sesshomaru in Inuyasha’s father tomb.

When Inuyasha was in his human form and told her that she smelled good while lying on her lap.

When they first met Miroku and she jumped in the way of the Wind Tunnel to stop it from absorbing Inuyasha.

When Inuyasha sent her home for her own safety.

When Sango first came into the group.

When Kikyo tied her to the tree and she had to watch as Inuyasha promised to protect her and Kikyo kissed Inuyasha.

When she ran away from Inuyasha after she saw him embracing Kikyo.

The time when she promised him that she would be at his side no matter what.

The time where she kissed him, to keep him from transforming into a full demon.

The time when she embraced him, not letting the Shikon Shards overtake him.

When they killed Naraku together.

And this morning when Inuyasha told her that he would protect her.

Then the pain came. Her blood was on fire. Her body felt like it was on fire. There were thousands of needles poking at her organs. Her heart felt as though something is squeezing it.

“Inuyasha…” she whispered again before letting the pain overtake her.

~*~

“Kikyo, I-,” Inuyasha started. Suddenly there was a scream that echoed throughout the forest.

“Kagome!” said Inuyasha before he headed toward the scream.

When he got there the sight almost broke his heart. There in Sango’s arm was Kagome who was very pale and was convulsing badly with blood spewing from her mouth.

Sango was holding on to Kagome sobbing. Shippo was next to her crying and Miroku was checking Kagome for a pulse.

They looked up when they saw him. He walked over saying to himself that this was a nightmare, and that he would wake up soon. The smell of Kagome’s blood woke him from his trance. He kneeled done next to Sango and she handed Kagome to Inuyasha.

“She is still alive, not for long though, the poison got to her system already,” announced Miroku sadly.

“Poison? What poison?” asked Inuyasha while looking at Kagome.

“This is one of the most powerful poisons that Kagome made. It has no name because no one used it before. When a person drinks it would burn the person’s soul and body. When the person dies the soul stay and doesn’t go to heaven or hell to the afterlife. I read about it before. You mix one hundred different kind of youkai poison with one hundred kind of poisonous herbs.” Miroku said. Seeing the questioning look in Inuyasha’s eyes, Miroku said, “No, there is no cure to this poison.”

Sango shouted, “No! It can’t be. From what Miroku said it seemed to be that Kagome have planned this for sometime now. To get at least one hundred youkai’s poison she would have to make this decision years ago. Kagome wouldn’t do this, would she? No…”

“What?!?!” asked Inuyasha.

“Ever since that day Naraku died Kagome have always seemed to be in a trance, deep in thought. She would be depressed for no reason. And this morning she told me to tell Miroku how I feel.” said Sango.

“K-Kagome t-told me t-to be a g-good boy t-this morning,” wailed Shippo.

“And she told me to propose to Sango this morning too,” said Miroku.

Inuyasha looked up to see a letter on the tree. He took it out and read it.

            I want you to live a happy life with the one you love, and you can’t do that with me there. So forget about me Inuyasha. Forget about Kagome Higurashi. She is nothing more then a dream. She is nothing but a burden to you.

“Kagome, quit playing around. This is not funny! Wake up,” said Inuyasha shakily after reading her letter.

Kagome coughed and looked up to see Inuyasha above her. He was on the verge of crying.

“Hey you. What’s up with the tears? My Inuyasha doesn’t cry.” said Kagome weakly.

“You are so stupid, you know that Kagome?” said Inuyasha now crying.

“Don’t shed those tears for me Inuyasha, this is my choice. And yeah I know I’m stupid.”

“Quit the blabbering and tell me how to make the cure,” said Inuyasha.

“There is no cure Inuyasha. This is beyond the poison that I read about in one of Miroku’s scrolls. I used one hundred and twenty six different kind of youkai’s poison and Naraku’s is one of them too. There is no way to back out of this now.” said Kagome.

“Why did you do it Kagome? You can’t die on me,” said Inuyasha.

“Stop the crying. I want my last memory of me alive is seeing you smile and being happy not you crying,” said Kagome wiping away his tears.

“Wahh! Kagome, don’t leave!” cried Shippo.

“Don’t cry Shippo! You still have everyone. And now that I’m going to be gone I’m going to count on you to help Inuyasha and be a big boy okay?

Shippo nodded and kept crying.

“Miroku and Sango, you better get married soon. If you don’t I’m not gonna leave you guys alone even if I’m dead,” said Kagome smiling.

Sango and Miroku tried to smile and nodded.

Kikyo was there watching the scene with a little sadness in her.

Kagome motioned for her to come and said, “I’m counting on you to take my place within this group and to keep it together.”

Kikyo nodded.

Kagome took Inuyasha’s hand in her and gave him the Shikon Jewel.

“This is my gift to you, Inuyasha. Guard it for me.”

Inuyasha took the jewel and put it in his pocket.

“Stop being so sad everyone. It’s not like I’m going anywhere. My soul is going to still be here.”

“Hey Inuyasha, forget about me okay? Well if you can’t, just try not to think about it too much.”

Kagome closed her eyes and her body convulsed again. With all her effort she opened them. Taking Inuyasha’s hand in hers she whispered “I loved you, Inuyasha.”

Kagome Higurashi left the world with eyes closed and a soft smile on her face.

Inuyasha held Kagome’s cold body and cried for hours.

Suddenly he looked up and said “Kagome I know that you’re there. Speak to me; your soul is still here.”

Kagome was actually standing nearby watching the whole scene with sadness in her heart. She didn’t want Inuyasha to look so sad. She could talk to him and even show him her transparent self but she wouldn’t. That would make things harder for him.

The next day they buried her under the Goshinboku. It made sense. She first met Inuyasha there and she died there in his arms. For months afterwards Inuyasha was quiet. Little did he know that Kagome was always there beside him.

For the next ten years Inuyasha traveled around with Sango, Miroku, Shippo, and Kikyo helping villages get rid of evil demons. For those ten years Kagome’s soul was always there with them. And for those ten years Inuyasha searched for an answer. An answer for his heart. Who does he really love?

~*~ End Flashback ~*~

Sighing again Inuyasha said, “Kagome, I know that you’re there. I can tell your presence. You kept your promise and you were always here, weren’t you?.” There was a pause before he continued.

“Ten years ago you died thinking that you made my life easier by making a choice for me. You have always waited for the answer, but I never gave it to you. After ten years of thinking and searching I made my choice Kagome. My choice was the same after all these years. I just couldn’t realize it Kagome. My choice has always been you. I just couldn’t realize how important you were until you left.”

There was silence as tears rolled down Inuyasha’s cheek.

“Talked to me Kagome! Dammit! I’ve waited ten years for this. Tell me how you feel Kagome!” yelled Inuyasha.

Kagome shook her head. She revealed herself to Inuyasha. When Inuyasha saw her he ran to her and tried to hug her but she just passed right through him like the air.

“That’s why I told you to forget me!” said Kagome for the first time in ten years. “I only bring you sadness. Just forget about me!”

“Kagome! How could I forget the person who I love? How could I forget the person who sacrificed herself for my life?”

Kagome was on her knees sobbing.

“Our love is true Inuyasha. Our love is real. Our love is painful. Our love is bittersweet!”

“Fate has sealed our Destiny. You and I are true love forever condemned to being apart!” cried Kagome.

“Dammit! I don’t care if Fate is not on our side. I’m not going to follow it. I will be with you Kagome one day forever and ever. I will go against faith and change our destiny to get to you. Until that day stay wit me and don’t lose hope on us okay? I need you with me to do this,” said Inuyasha.

Kagome nodded. Together the two lovers sat beneath the Goshinbaku crying over their lost, their cruel fate, their destiny, and their bittersweet love.